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6 Signs You Are Playing the Victim Role

6 Signs You Are Playing the Victim Role

Many people choose to play the victim role, although they may not realize that they are choosing it, because they’re afraid of their anger and/or are in denial about their feelings of anger. People playing the victim role project their anger onto others. When “victims” assume this role, they often have a high sensitivity to the anger of others and even perceive things through this distorted thinking, such as experiencing other people’s facial expressions as angry (when they’re not) and believing that others are “out to get them.”

People who are playing the victim role would rather feel justified in complaining about their unfortunate circumstances because it means that they don’t have to do anything about it. The good news, though, is that although there are unfavorable experiences in life, we have the choice to take action rather than be a victim to our circumstances. Those who choose to play the victim role do so because they’d rather complain than take action in order to change those circumstances or, at least change how they feel about their circumstances.

Here are 6 signs that you are playing the victim role:

#1: You complain a lot

Like it says above, people who choose to play the victim role do so because they’d rather complain than do something about it. For example, you have a friend that constantly breaks plans with you. Rather than speak up for yourself, you tell her, “It’s okay, I understand” and then proceed to complain about this ‘friend’ and her actions to anyone who will listen.

#2: You think everything is happening to you

Just like playing the victim role is a choice, you have the choice to live from an empowered place. Someone who perceives their world and their experiences as the results of their choices – not as a way of blaming themselves but, as a way of accepting their thoughts and behaviors all as things they have chosen and not as thoughtless reaction to circumstances – feel empowered in their daily lives.

What that means is that they feel a part of the world around them and believe themselves to be the creators of their experiences. This is a much happier way to live than going around thinking you are a victim to your circumstances.

#3: You feel like you don’t have any control

This is closely related to #2. When you choose to play the victim, you are choosing to give away your personal control and freedom. When you live as an accountable human being who is consciously choosing her thoughts and actions, then you are empowered and therefore you are in control of your life.

#4: You’re passive aggressive

Ugh…people who constantly live in the victim role tend to be passive aggressive. Passive aggression is the destructive, indirect expression of hostility, such as through procrastination, sarcasm, mean jokes, stubbornness, or resentment – just to name a few ways that it can show up.

#5: You use obligation words a lot

If you find that you use certain words a lot – words like: fair, should, right, and wrong – this could be another sign you are playing the victim role in your relationships with others. In a relationship, the term “should” often implies obligation and heavy use of it and words like it is a way to justify anger and it leads to inward brooding, righteous indignation and vengeful feelings.

#6: You are constantly holding a “Poor Me” sign, figuratively speaking

In other words, you walk around in self-pity. While it might get you some attention, it really isn’t attractive. People might feel bad for you but they might also spend less and less time with you because well, you’re a drag to be around.

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