5 Things No One Tells You about Intimacy in Recovery
When I first got into recovery, my main concern and questions had to do with just learning how to be a functioning member of society. I never thought to ask what my relationships, intimacy and sex life would be like. So when I got into my first relationship in recovery, it was all new and scary and I wish I would have had better advice about it. I’ve thought of 5 things no one tells you about intimacy in recovery.
5 Things No One Tells You about Intimacy in Recovery…
1. Intimacy isn’t just about sex
When I hear the word intimacy, the first thing I think about is sex; but that isn’t all that intimacy is about. It’s about being intimate with someone mentally, physically and spiritually. Of course, sex is involved in intimacy but that’s not all it is. To have a truly satisfying intimate relationship with someone, (for me, at least) it’s best to connect with them on all levels – not just sexually.
2. You can feel everything now
We numbed ourselves for so long with drugs and alcohol that we didn’t feel anything physically or emotionally. Now that we’re in recovery, you feel everything! At times it can be a lot to handle, but in a situation involving intimacy it can be beautiful. Being able to feel the emotional and physical connection with another human-being is a wonderful thing. Feeling everything actually ends up being a good thing.
3. You want to trust the person that you’re intimate with
This one is important for me. If you’re going to make the decision to be involved in an intimate relationship with someone, you want to trust them. There are people out there who don’t always have the same interests as you when it comes to being involved with someone. Make sure you trust the person you’re with and like my first sponsor said – have the same common goals and common purpose in the relationship.
4. It can be awkward
It can be very awkward being intimate with someone without the presence of alcohol and drugs. At first, I was scared that I couldn’t be with someone without being under the influence. Honestly, I just accepted the fact that it was going to be awkward. It was a little uncomfortable in my first relationship, but I think that is what made us connect better. It was like the first time! The awkwardness was actually something we could laugh about later in our relationship.
5. It can be much better
To my surprise, the intimacy I experience in recovery is ten times better than any relationship I’ve ever had. Not only am I a different person today, but I am able to love myself which just makes it that much better. You can’t love someone else if you don’t love yourself and that was a mistake I made in past relationships. Being in a relationship in recovery and being intimate with someone is magnificent. If you or a loved one is struggling with substance abuse or addiction, please call toll free 1-800-777-9588.