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5 Steps for Dating a Normie

5 Steps for Dating a Normie

When it comes to dating in recovery, it can be very tricky and different. You are now sober and have a different level of awareness than when you were in active addiction. There are so many tips out there on dating someone in the program; but what about dating a normie? The situation is completely different when you’re dating someone who isn’t in recovery; so here are the 5 steps for dating a normie.

5 Steps for Dating a Normie: Always Keep Your Program First

This really applies to any relationship, whether in recovery or not. No matter how much you love someone or how important they are to you, always keep your program first. Once you get at a point that you are comfortable dating them it is always good to explain to them why your program comes first. Let them know that the program is very important to you and the reason you are who you are; keep in mind they might not fully understand but that’s okay as long as they know that this is a vital part of your life.

5 Steps for Dating a Normie: Keep Your Program & Your Relationship Separate

I know for me, at first it was really hard separating the way we do things in the program from my everyday life. It got to a point with family members where I couldn’t even give advice without talking about AA. In a relationship with someone who isn’t in the program, it is best to keep the program and the relationship separate. Of course, it is always great that they somewhat understand what your program is about; but your meetings and sponsorship are one part of your life and your relationship is another.

5 Steps for Dating a Normie: Be Willing to Have Misunderstandings

You have to be willing to have misunderstandings in your relationship if you are dating a normie. They aren’t ever going to fully understand the program or being an alcoholic or addict; and you need to realize that may cause misunderstandings in the relationship. You and him/her don’t do everything the same way and you may disagree on things because of this; just try to keep an open-mind.

5 Steps for Dating a Normie: Don’t Expect Him/Her to Handle Problems the Same Way as You

In recovery, when we have a problem or something is going on we usually call our supports and own our part of the situation. Normies don’t handle their problems the same way as we do and just because you are going to make amends and own your part, that doesn’t mean he/she will. When you guys argue, he/she may just get pissed off and not want to talk to you or anyone. Remember how you were with your problems prior to the program so that you can better understand them.

5 Steps for Dating a Normie: Have a Back-up Plan for if you Two Go out Together

In dating a normie, they may drink alcohol and sometimes even smoke pot. If you are dating a normie and you two go out somewhere, always have a back-up plan for when you two are out. Bring your own vehicle so you can leave if you feel uncomfortable and make sure to explain this to your boyfriend/girlfriend. In recovery, we can go anywhere we want without fear of drinking or using once we have completed our steps but some situations can still make us uncomfortable. A relationship with a normie may be different and new for you, but if you are willing to work at it then it can be just as beautiful of a relationship as any other. If you or a loved one is struggling with substance abuse or addiction, please call toll free 1-888-672-4435.

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