5 Signs You Are Codependent
What is Codependency?
Codependency refers to the dependence on the needs of, or control of, another. It also often involves making yourself and your needs a lower priority while being obsessed with the needs of others. Codependency can occur in any type of relationship, including family, work, friendship, and also romantic, peer or community relationships. Codependency often affects a spouse, a parent, sibling, friend, or co-worker of a person afflicted with alcohol or drug dependence.
In fact, the term codependent was first applied to spouses of alcoholics but plenty of research has revealed that codependency is much more prevalent in the general population than originally believed. In fact, they found that if you were raised in a dysfunctional family or had an ill parent, you are likely to be codependent.
5 Signs You Are Codependent
Signs You Are Codependent: You have low self-esteem.
Low self-esteem means feeling that you’re not good enough or constantly comparing yourself to others. Even if you think highly of yourself, you can actually have low self-esteem because this is usually just a disguise; you may actually feel unlovable or inadequate. Subconsciously, there usually are feelings of shame. Also, if you experience guilt and perfectionism, you may have low self-esteem because these usually go hand-in-hand with having low self-esteem.
Signs You Are Codependent: You are a “people-pleaser.”
It’s fine to want to please someone you care about but, if you are a codependent, you might actually think that you don’t have a choice in the matter, or in any matter. Saying “No” is a cause of anxiety. If you go out of your way and sacrifice your own needs to accommodate other people, you may be codependent.
Signs You Are Codependent: You have poor boundaries.
Boundaries are sort of an imaginary line between you and others. It divides up what’s yours and somebody else’s, and that applies not only to your body, money, and belongings, but also to your feelings, thoughts and needs. Establishing and maintaining boundaries is difficult for people who are codependent. They feel responsible for other people’s feelings and problems or blame their own on someone else. Some codependents have rigid boundaries. Or a combination of both; you react to everyone’s thoughts and feelings. If someone says something you disagree with, you either believe it or become defensive. You absorb their words, because there’s no boundary.
Signs You Are Codependent: You are way too into caretaking.
Another effect of poor boundaries is that if someone else has a problem, you want to help them to the point that you give up yourself. It’s natural to feel empathy and sympathy for someone, but codependents start putting other people ahead of themselves. In fact, they need to help and might feel rejected if another person doesn’t want help. Moreover, they keep trying to help and fix the other person, even when that person clearly isn’t taking their advice.
Signs You Are Codependent: You have problems with intimacy and experience painful emotions.
Intimacy does not necessarily just mean sex, although difficulties with and around sex often are a sign of an intimacy problem. Here, it means being open and close with someone in an intimate relationship. Due to the feelings of shame and having weak boundaries, you might fear that you’ll be judged, rejected, or abandoned. Conversely, you may fear being smothered in a relationship and losing your independence. You might say (or even think) that you don’t have a need for closeness and feel that your partner wants too much of your time.
Codependency creates stress and leads to painful emotions. The shame and low self-esteem then create anxiety and fear about being judged, rejected or abandoned, making mistakes, being a failure, feeling trapped or being abandoned. Being codependent also involves feelings of anger and resentment, depression, hopelessness, and despair. Feeling numb when these feelings get to be too much is yet another indication of being codependent.
If you or a loved one is suffering with substance abuse, addiction, and codependency please call toll free 1-888-672-4435