10 Recovery Relationship Red Flags You’re Probably Ignoring
Sometimes (especially in recovery) we can be blind to the truth in a relationship and it can be hard to see the red flags or signs that things aren’t healthy. It’s difficult to take a step back and be able to judge a situation that you are emotionally attached to. Even if you are to notice these obvious signs, a lot of the time we become to codependent that we just ignore them. I’ve thought of 10 recovery relationship red flags you’re probably ignoring.
10 Recovery Relationship Red Flags You’re Probably Ignoring…
1. Your significant other has stopped calling their sponsor (and now they seem to be looking to you for advice on everything).
This can be very unhealthy. If you’re boyfriend/girlfriend has stopped calling their sponsor and doesn’t seem to even really have a sponsor anymore that might be a sign that this relationship could be in danger. It isn’t healthy for two people in a relationship to rely solely on each other and not have other supports.
2. They’ve stopped going to meetings and are either making excuses or lying about it (their friends have been frequently asking where your boyfriend/girlfriend has been).
They may be saying they go to meetings but their friends ask where they have been and say they haven’t seen them in months. They might be not going to meeting and just making excuses about it at this point, like they’re fine and they don’t need meetings and etc.
3. They don’t want you to go to meetings without them (or at all).
They pretty much don’t want you doing anything without them anymore. Trying to go to a meeting by yourself is awful because they make you feel bad for leaving them or not going with them. This is definitely a big no-no in a recovery relationship.
4. They’re isolating and don’t want to go out and do anything anymore (they want to stay in all the time).
This can be a sign of depression or being dry and not working a program of recovery. Either way, it’s not good for them or for you. It may be nice to stay in but all the time is a little much. This relationship might be affecting their recovery and can ultimately affect yours, too.
5. They’re being dishonest and hiding all of their feelings and thoughts (lying about meeting with their sponsor or working steps).
Lying is awful no matter what; but when you are lying about sponsor time and working the 12 steps, this is a cause for concern. Lying and being dishonest about this stuff says a lot, can you imagine what else your significant other might be lying about?
6. They’re cheating on you (seems obvious, but a lot of people ignore this).
People have said to you that they heard or think your boyfriend/girlfriend is cheating and you just ignore it. Your closest supports and friends even think that your sweetie is playing you and you just don’t care what anyone says.
7. They say that if you leave them, they’ll relapse (basically holding you emotionally hostage).
Holding you emotionally hostage isn’t cool or healthy to do. Telling someone that if they leave you will get high or drink isn’t fair and is a sign that this individual is very sick and needs help. Everyone should know that no human power can keep us sober and when we depend on someone like that, we’re doomed for failure.
8. All of their focus is on you and not on themselves or their program (you have basically become their higher power).
Everything is about you and they pretty much have turned you into their God. A lot of people in early recovery relationships make the mistake of turning their lover into their higher power. We are only human and we will disappoint each other at some point.
9. Or, on the opposite side of the spectrum, they are only focused on themselves and aren’t willing to help others (everything is about them; they are their own higher power).
On the other side of the coin, they can only think about themselves. It’s all about what they want and what they need and no concern for others. They aren’t willing to help others or be a sponsor or anything. To stay sober, helping others is vital.
10. People close to you or supports are showing concern for your relationship (they are expressing that they think your partner might be using or that the relationship is in danger).
If people think your partner is drinking or getting high, you might want to look into that. If you are in a relationship with someone who has relapsed, it would be in both your best interest to separate and work on yourselves, at least for a while until you’re both ready again.
If you or a loved one is struggling with substance abuse or addiction, please call toll free 1-800-777-9588.