Drug And Alcohol Addiction Makes Marriage Miserable

Marriage is both wonderful and challenging under the best of circumstances.  A drug or alcohol addiction can derail a marriage right off its tracks.  Addiction is so slippery, so sly, it can fool both the addicted person into believing they don’t have a problem.  Drug rehab may be the best opportunity to get a derailed marriage back on track. 

For Better or For Worse Includes Facing Drug Addiction

There’s no question – a solid marriage is built on trust and integrity.  Of course, there is romance, passion, and fun as well.  But when the tough times come (and they always do), you really need to know you have someone by your side that you can count on.  For better or for worse.

What if you and your spouse don’t agree on the “worse” part that’s happening?  You stay out late several times a week drinking at friends’ houses, you drive drunk, you get a hangover and drink again in the morning.   You’re just blowing off steam, you can’t relax at home, and what’s the big deal anyway?  You’re the fun one, you’re spouse is just a stick in the mud. 

Drug Addiction Ruins Trust and Integrity

Meanwhile, you’re spouse is wondering why you don’t stick around for dinner anymore.  They’re wondering if the kids are just starting to get used to you being either drunk, high, or just plain gone.  They’re wondering why they are alone most nights of the week.  They’re wondering why they feel so lonely, so angry, so confused about their marriage.  To them, everything is falling apart.

Your spouse had trust that the marriage and family came before social obligation.  They believe the integrity of what they see before their eyes, not empty words.  When a marriage is rocked by drug addiction, the addiction becomes front-and-center.  Trust and integrity get traded in for deceit and excuses.  When someone protects their addiction more fervently than their family, marriages often disintegrate. 

How long can the non-addicted spouse hold the candle of hope?  The reactions and adjustments they make to cope with their spouse’s addiction can be damaging to the relationship as well.  And if the marriage was a poor match in the first place, the addiction may dramatically expose this. 

When Both Spouses Need Drug Treatment

Quite possibly the most fragile marriages touched by addiction are those with both spouses needing drug treatment.  It’s bad enough when one person in a marriage is overtaken by drugs or alcohol.  When both have an addiction, the problems are greatly magnified. 

1 -The marriage could fail if both stay addicted.  Both people can easily be driven apart by the continuous lack of intimacy, honesty, and self-awareness. 
2- The marriage could fail if one gets drug treatment.  Healthy people tend to not find unhealthy people very easy to be around for long.
3 – The marriage could fail if both get drug treatment.  Two healthy people may realize they were brought together by unhealthy habits, ways of thinking, behavior, beliefs, etc.  They may decide they have little in common after drug treatment.

However, if a marriage has strong roots, even couples with two addicted people can have a complete turnaround.  They may both strengthen their connection with a higher power.  They may recommit themselves to their families..  They may even join together to provide hope and help for other families affected by addiction.

Drug Rehab Gives Hope To Hurt Marriages

Drug rehab is not a miracle cure for drug addiction.  But it can be the first major step for addiction recovery and healing a wounded marriage.  Coming home sober from drug treatment is a good place to start.

7 thoughts on “Drug And Alcohol Addiction Makes Marriage Miserable

  1. Married 28 years and high school sweethearts, surviving cancer, then gets hooked on drug that any doctor with give him and add a little drink with it creates a monster. couldn’t handle the abuse anymore. Wants him well he files for divorce because he don’t want to get well. He moves in with a woman that has the same problems, Then he dies of a overdose. I’m mad and I miss my husband and my life. Why was I and his children and grandchildre not enough?

  2. Kim, I’m so sorry that happened. None of what happened in your life and to your relationship would be easy for anyone.

    Remember that an addict’s decision to leave his family in service of an addiction is not a slight against anyone in that family. It’s a sign that the his addiction is very serious indeed and requires medical treatment. There is nothing lacking in any one of you. His decision was his loss.

  3. Alot has gone on. School as kept me very busy and work. Most know that I was having Relationship Problems. In July I left him and moved back into my parents home. And We have been trying to work things threw apart. When we first met he told me about his Problems with RX drugs and how he needed help etc and had been clean for about five years. This is the Man I fell in love with he worked full time had things going good for him. Then He lost his Job because of Cut backs . Right before My Company closed down he found a parttime though it was not want he wanted. He took over the Bills and I did want I could with want little I got weekly from Unemply. They kept cutting his hours and even sometimes he would not work for a week or so. He only got paid once a Month and that only would cover rent. We were always asking for extra help from our Parents and his Parents have paid Rent/Light Bill a few times or we/He had to Pawn something to make sure we could pay the Bill. I got a Job in Oct 2010 though it was only Parttime again and I still am driving about an hour to get there when I do work. I really DO NOT like the Job. In Decemember we decide to get internet. I blame the Start of our problems with the internet. He had join this site and it started to cause alot of problems. He started to act unlike himself he had time to chat online but had no time for me. I would ask for couple time I would get snapped at and would be told I needed to back off I never gave him his space. All this after five hours of being online and no time with me. He would get off and sit in the living for about 5 minutes and say there I gave you time. Not come to bed. He became verbal abuse and I to him to. Threw Knives(harsh words) at me and I’m gonna threw them back. About a few days before My Birthday we had been fighting. I was tried of the site I was tired of the way he was treating me and I said it’s me or the site. He needed to decide and he need to get back to going to your meeting again (AAA) I got laugh at and I said Say the Words it’s Over. He said It’s over. He was not Happy had not been and I kept saying if your not Happy why are you still here? I called My Mom and told her it was over and cry got ready and went to work. My Parents offer me to come home, I came home from work to pack my things and He wanted to make things work. I said No I need sometime we need sometime. We decide it would be the best thing. Then came the I want you back no I don’t want you back I need the Space. I’d call he get Piss with me and hang up. I would call back. My Car broke down so he was taking or picking me up from School. He was always late getting me and if I told him one time and called early he would get mad. When I had talked with him Thursday he told me he was going hunting, Which was fine with me. It is something He loves and said he would never give up. I’ve never asked him to give it up though he would say I asked him too. Which is not true. The Lack of Funds things like hunting every weekend and other things we use to be able to do had to be cut from our life. He dropped Sukie off ( Dog) at My parents house Friday Morning and I asked him to call me when he got there. He did. I didn’t hear anything from him and I kept calling. This upset me cause he had always called me and let me know what was going on. Saturday evening I got a call and it was him. He asked how was the Dog and I kept asking who’s phone are you calling on? He hung up. I called the Number back and his Dad answer the Phone and said that They called him from the Club and had to take Him to the Hospital because he was not acting right. Yesteday morning when I called his Phone the number had been disconnected. I called his Parents home. His Mom who was getting ready to call me answer and told me that he had been taking RX drugs again and after all the test they ran knew which one it was. That he had not taken any street drugs. And that he was going back to Rehab. We talked some. Went to work and just dealt with it like now. Last Night he called and asked if I could come over He wanted to See the Dog and Me. I agree. On the way there I took the wrong exit and needed them to come and get me. Sit in a church parking lot and just cried. He was so in out of it that I only got a little bit from him. I asked how long and he said sense around Feb around the time he started to push me away and spend hours/days on that online site. I understand now. No one on the site could push him to better himself like I was doing or others. No one on the site knew or knows anything. I asked why and he said he was not happy had not been for sometime. I told him he could have talked to me and we could have worked it out to talk with someone. He had not slept for almost 3 days. I asked about the Phone and how did he lose it. He said he was freaking out and threw it out the window. I asked were and when, He Snapped at me and said he was not ready to talk about it right now I needed to back off. I didn’t say anything. He said He was going away for sometime Rehab. I already knew this and said I think it’s a good idea. Asked him if he wanted Help and be clean again and he told me he did and he was Sorry. I asked him is there anything I can do to help he said to give him time and do good in School. He is leaving sometime today for the place it’s about couple of hours away. His Parents said that the dog could stay there for a few days.. But I’m going to get her sometime. Rent is past due on our Place though he had been staying there. I can not afford it and I have to tell my landlord that S/O is in the Hopstial. I’ve not been there alone sense 2009 unless it was for a couple of nights and most times when he was hunting I would stay here at my Parents house those days. I have to decide if I’m going back there and getting back to my life or want. My Cats are there and I needed to decide what to do with them. One is so old they would put her down at the shelter. I feel like I’m in a Rock and hard place. Does not matter what I do have to give up something. I’m ready to shut down and ball-up and become invisable to life around me.

  4. Hi my husband and i have been together for 7 yrs. We have two beautiful girls. He has promblems with pills and alcohol. Im not sure what to call an addict. He can stop for awhile but then go back to the party life. I left him and said i wouldnt return unless he got help and we get marriage counsuleing. Should i hold my guns with not returning??

  5. So Sorry to hear that, makes me sad for you. Ive been with my husband almost seventeen years, We have a 14 year old, a two and three year old. I know what its like, to love someone with an addiction. My husband is good at hiding it from everyone but me. They dont understand why I leave from time to time. And I must just be imagining it he seems ok to everyone that isnt around him much. They dont see what me and my kids see. I love him alot , seems like I put him down alot trying to defend myself. I really am tired of all of it, but I dont know what to do.

  6. hi i have been married 7 years and my husband is addicted to alchol and cannabis he does not class himself as an alcholic or drug addict but insists on daily basis that he needs them to function. Most of my days are spent at work and then in the bedroom because he has all the windows open so the cannabis smell doesnt go out onto the landing area. we live in a high rise that six storeys up and people do complain they can smell it. I feel like we have drifted apart and just live togeather he has missed several rent payments and so i am left trying to sort the finances out. I have told him that if he doesnt get help he will eventually become ill or forget that he has a wife. i dont know what to do for the best my first instict is to run away but then i think if i do that it could make it worse. sometimes i do feel like his mother. He’s 40 and i’m 28 we have no children and i dont want any until my husband can hopefuly get away from his addictions.

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