Comments on: Dating and Addiction Recovery Can Be A Tough Mix

By: Marie

Marie — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 03:33:48 +0000

I’ve been in a relationship with a recovering heroin addict for the past nine months. The first half of our relationship was hard because he was still using and I was trying to help him quit. Anyway, he finally quit cold-turkey and has been sober for the past 4 1/2 months. During that time, we were staying with his mother and we’ve been very happy. He’s always treated me right, even while he was using. Anyway, now he is moving back to the Hawaii, where he is from, and he doesn’t want me to come with him right away. He’s had many people tell him he shouldn’t be in a relationship while recovering, and he wants to make sure he stays clean. So he says he needs time for himself to figure out who he is and he needs to focus on himself right now. But,…he doesn’t want to break up. Basically he wants to be long-distance for a few months, and then I’m supposed to move to Hawaii to be with him. We did not make the choice to move to Hawaii together. He told me he was going there with or without me. I love him but I don’t know if I should be waiting for him like this. How do I know that when we get back together he’ll be ready to treat me like a partner instead of just continuing to only think about him? I really feel like we are great together, but not considering my needs is a deal breaker. Will it always be part of his personality to be selfish or is it temporary? He says that once he takes time for himself he would be glad to start making choices together. But, he’ll always be an addict. So doesn’t that mean he’ll always be looking out for himself first? This is all so new to me. I’ve never done ANY drugs because I’ve never wanted to. I drink occasionally but hardly at all. I’m just scared. I’m scared to stay with him now because if he continues to make decisions without me, I’ll have wasted a lot of time and energy and made a ton of sacrifices for nothing. But I’m also scared to leave him because we really are happy together and I don’t want to give up on something that could last many years, if not forever. I would love some advice.

By: Chris

Chris — Sat, 08 Oct 2011 09:49:07 +0000

I have been talking to this girl which I am certain is in a Recovery Center For Drugs, and Alcohol. I am not sure what she is in there for but I think it is alcohol. I drink myself but I do not like to get drunk, and could cut a lot of my drinking habits out of my life for her. I do like to have a beer now and then in a normal fashion. Sometimes I go to a bar just to catch up with a longtime friend that is actually a bar tender. I remember this girl telling me her ex boyfriend drank too much. I have been guilty of doing the same thing but when I go steady with women I don’t a point in drinking all the time or even in an abusive manner. I would even go to the recovery center with her to discuss my past experiences with alcohol and drugs. I have never had any serious addictions other than cigarettes, and the last thing I want to do is contribute to a relapse especially for somebody I could get involved with in a long term relationship. I would have no problem having a good time sober doing whatever she wants with her or her kid. But I just don’t want to be subject to any scrutiny for being normal. I even smoke Marijuana occasionally but only when I know its an appropriate time. How should I go about this situation considering the facts. Should I just be a sober blank the rest of my life, and cut out all the events I go to that are around alcohol or marijuana. I would if I had too but I rather just live a normal responsible life, and I rather be around her than being drunk anytime. Plus I think I would be a good person to talk to help her feel normal again without feeling guilty by practicing sobriety. I have tons of friends with completely sober spouses but they still drink a little and smoke a little, and don’t have any problems. But this is different because this girl is from a recovery center?

By: james

james — Thu, 09 Jun 2011 05:37:08 +0000

hi my name is james and im 21. I’ve been in recovery from a dual diagnosis (anxiety/depression and marijuana addiction, previously ecstacy 5 years ago) for 6 months now. I moved to a new place and started fresh, work full time, pay car payments, work out and have new friends. I still deal with depression and anxiety but probably a quarter of what is was like 3-4 months ago and I believe thats something i will be dealing with indefinetly. I have no desire to use whatsoever, no desire to smoke or drink even though I have been in situations where I could have been triggered. I feel as though I am loving myself and getting much more comfortable with myself lately and Ive been talking to this guy and we kinda like eachother. I feel like this relationship could be long term possible marriage. after coming out of the exstacy addiction 5 years ago I went straight into a longterm relationship severly insecure which led to jelously and physical/emotional abuse. My question is do you think I have enough doubt to pass this oppertunity up at a possible life partner in the chance i lose myself again and screw up?

By: Valeria W.

Valeria W. — Thu, 07 Apr 2011 03:30:02 +0000

Starr, irritability and intense anger are some of the issues that recovering addicts have to deal with when they are detoxing - but it’s also common when people are actively abusing their drug of choice. It could also be a grief response after losing the baby or a response to something else going on in his life. It’s impossible to say and, honestly, it isn’t as important to figure out why someone is treating you badly than to prioritize your own emotional health and wellbeing. Take care of yourself first. No one else will do it for you.

By: starr m

starr m — Tue, 29 Mar 2011 16:26:43 +0000

My boyfriend I have been dating for two years used to smoke weed and take pills. Well he quit it all when I became pregnant and told him his addiction or me and his child. I had a miscarriage about six months ago. In the past two days he has been mad at the world and told me he hated me and didn’t want me anymore. We live with his mama so we are thinking he is coming down from loratabs he has never acted this way. I told him im always here for him so I have been sleeping on the couch so he realizes im here and I love him. I just don’t know what to do is this normal for someone to act like this coming off of loratabs