In September, a commenter asked a great question about addiction relapse risk after reading this post about addiction and family dysfunction.  Drug rehabilitation includes many strides and setbacks, including relapse at times.  Everyone has certain challenges to face with relapse including possible affects from birth order.  Karen, I hope this gives you some good follow-up to your question. 

Question About Birth Order and Addiction Relapse

To bring everyone up to speed, Karen asked a question about addiction relapse risk for her as an oldest child.  She wondered if I found any studies relating to birth order that she could read.  Unfortunately, I didn’t find a whole lot.  I saw a few compelling titles but couldn’t access full articles.  Anything I’ve been able to skim is a mixed bag and not terribly current. 

One addiction article suggests a relationship between only children and heroin addiction (from 1986!)  Other article abstracts didn’t consider birth order or it wasn’t shown as a factor.  If someone has a more comprehensive resource about addiction relapse and birth order, I’m all ears and eyes - please send a link or make a comment.

Birth Order Is A Hot Topic But Not Always Relevant

I have written about birth order before and it’s a topic many people are curious about.  However, the “hotness” of a topic doesn’t necessarily mean it has a lot of substance.  Birth order effects are broad generalizations of personality traits and characteristics. 

Addiction relapse prevention takes a great personal investment of time, energy, and focus.  More than any label or category you put yourself in, you need to know yourself.  It is far more important to understand your own personality, habits, tendencies, etc than something as arbitrary as birth order.  Birth order is somewhat of a factor in shaping who you are. 

One Size Doesn’t Fit All With Birth Order Or Addiction Recovery

Certainly a person who never grew up with an older sibling would have a somewhat different life experience than someone with two or three older siblings.   Perhaps as the oldest you were put in charge of the younger kids when your mom got too drunk in the evenings.  As the baby, maybe you were protected from the truth of an addiction in the family.  But one size does not fit all when it comes to birth order personalities.  All I have to do is look at myself and my sister to know that. 

Maintaining your sobriety comes down to the choices you make from day to day and moment to moment over just about anything else.  Human beings are resilient, so it’s a matter of working with what you have and building on that.  Identify your strengths and resources to help you through those difficult relapse temptations.  And if you need to get alcohol or drug rehab to deal with your relapse, you don’t have to be ashamed.  Drug rehabilitation is an opportunity for self understanding and personal growth.  That will help whether you are a first born or the baby of the family.

Send Questions About Addiction and Women

I don’t promise to have all the answers (who really does?), but I’ll be happy to give you what I know and find out more where I can.  Please feel free to pose questions about women and drug rehab that you’d like addressed as a post here.  I’m at your disposal for support and discussion.

You’ve hardly gone a few weeks without a boyfriend since you were in high school.  Even through all your drug addiction problems, you’ve had a few steady guys.  So now that you are trying to stay sober, you’ve been hearing that you are better off single.  Nobody needs to tell you what to do with your love life.  Why all the fuss?

Why Are You Dating During Addiction And Recovery

First, I want to ask you a deceptively simple question.  Why do you have or want a boyfriend?  Do you just want someone around to have fun?  Are you in it for a sexual relationship?  Do you want to get married soon?  This is important to understand right from the start.  And once you think you know what your true answer is, your path during addiction recovery can become more clear to you. 

Let’s look at an example.  If you are in a serious relationship wanting to get married, your alcohol addiction has probably been a source of pain and conflict.  Your recovery period is an important time of becoming well and being sure you are still even wanting to get married anytime soon.  If sobriety has made you uncertain that you are ready for such a commitment, it’s best to figure it out now.  By the same token, if your relationship has become more certain and stable from your addiction recovery journey, you might feel more ready than ever before.  It is really hard to know until you ask yourself this question directly and honestly. 

Dating Can Sometimes Fill Up Drug Addiction Emptiness

Some women going through addiction recovery have a kind of “V-8″ experience.  It truly dawns on them that they have made some poor choices when it comes to men.  The string of boyfriends one after the other, the drama, the pain of rejection when they move on or cheat, etc.  “So that’s why I’ve had such lousy luck with men - I picked them when I was doing drugs.” 

Addiction always comes with a vast feeling of emptiness.  Lack of purpose, lack of understanding your own feelings, lack of confidence, lack of feeling acceptance from others, lack of something to give to the world or in a relationship, and many other things.  So, the sensations, the time and energy spent getting the drugs, and all the drama created during a drug addiction fills in some of this space.  Romantic relationships can serve the same purpose.  “At least I have someone” becomes a good enough reason to have casual sex, lower personal standards, take abuse, tolerate awful behavior, and lose trust.

Dating Can Be A Real Distraction For Addiction Recovery

Remember the first time you really really liked a guy?  Had a crush on him, or even felt you were falling in love?  Let’s face it - this first period of infatuation is totally distracting!!  How can you really be in this kind of state AND do the very difficult job of taking a hard honest look at your own life of addiction?  Can you truly be accountable to becoming a healthy person when you are still becoming involved with such a huge distraction? 

It makes a big difference who you spend time with and why when you are recovering from drug addiction.  Dating is no exception.  If you’ve only been dating casually, this is the time to declare singleness until you are ready to be a healthy person in a healthy relationship.  If you are already dating someone seriously, it’s time for a relationship checkup - why you are together and whether it can handle your sobriety.

Not everyone who uses drugs and alcohol becomes addicted.  Some people can get away with casual use with few consequences, and others ride the thin line between “some trouble” and “big trouble”.  How do you know if you are abusing drugs or truly addicted? 

Drug and Alcohol Problems Depend on Control and Level of Problems

There are some key differences between drug and alcohol abuse and addiction.  They mostly define the level of consequences you suffer and how much time and energy you devote to your drug use. 

Addiction is mainly about losing control of your use.  You have urges and cravings, you satisfy them at whatever cost.  You will give up money set aside for other reasons to stock up your “stash”.  Even if you have commitments with others, you will often dump them to use your drugs.  Or you might use heavily during and around your commitments (family gatherings, before work, before and after your kids’ activities).  You may think you are still “there” for your family, but you may be loaded or drunk when in their presence. 

You also spend a great deal of time getting and using your drug of choice.  Overall, your daily functioning and mental state are impaired enough to begin causing many serious problems.  Your job may be in jeopardy, your marriage, finances, and other aspects of life.  Your general behavior and way of thinking is enough out-of-the-norm that it often causes others to do a lot of adjusting or drop you altogether.

Drug Abuse Is Bad But You Are Able to Cut Back

In the big picture, drug abuse is less serious than drug or alcohol addiction.  It’s serious enough that you are experiencing some real consequences.  You might have a DUI arrest, problems keeping up in school or work, or an unplanned sexual experience.  However, the depth of your problems and the general impact is not as broad as with an addiction. 

You may not like to, but you would be able to cut back or stop your use if need be.  That MIP or DUI arrest may have shaken you up enough to really look at what path your are on with your drug and alcohol use.  Your boyfriend may have threatened to leave you if you get drunk and act mean one more time.  Now you make sure you only have two drinks during an evening because you want to marry him. 

People are all created somewhat differently, and some abuse drugs without becoming addicted.  They may teeter on the border between abuse and addiction, but are able to change their lifestyle and pull themselves back successfully.  Others are not so fortunate.  They may have family, biological vulnerability, and other factors that make even occassional drug abuse a quick road to drug addiction. 

Drug Problems May Need Alcohol and Drug Rehab

Drug abuse is a red flag for troubling behavior - if you or someone you know is using drugs or alcohol and seeing consequences, don’t ignore it.  Tell them you care about what happens to them, help them make some changes to stay on a healthy track.  If it has gone too far and you believe you or a woman you care about has an addiction, don’t hesitate to contact the Orchid for specialized drug rehab for women.

Drug abuse is a problem affecting every area of the United States.  Drugs have been around for centuries, changing the lives of women and their families.  Narcotic “tonics” were commonly given to women in the 18th and 19th centuries.  Women in the early and mid-twentieth century commonly used tranquilizers, and street drugs became more available to all by the later decades.  Alcohol has also been a readily available drug for years.  In the twentieth century it has become more acceptable, even fashionable, for women to drink.  No matter how it has happened, women have been affected by drug abuse for years, and it looks like this will continue in the future. 

Recent Drug Abuse Trends

Prescription drug addiction has come into the limelight in the last several years.  It’s come into homes of all income levels.  It’s affected everyone from teen girls to adult executives.  Easily created drugs like methamphetamine have already taken a strong hold in the country’s heartland.  Its influence is spreading rapidly through other parts of the country. 

Another alarming recent trend is the reemergence of PCP, a highly hallucinogenic drug.  It has been seen in higher numbers in a handful of metro areas in the last few years.

Difference Between Drug Abuse and Drug Addiction

The difference between drug abuse and drug addiction is simple but important  Drug abuse is the misuse of drugs, legal or illegal, in order to get high or intoxicated.  When someone abuses drugs, they may experience physical symptoms and a variety of social or legal problems.  However, they are able to stop or reduce their use by choice when their problems get too bad. 

When a person has a drug addiction, they are compelled to use because their body and their mind experiences great discomfort when they attempt to stop.  When this happens, the person usually resumes their heavy use to make the discomfort go away.  

An addicted person also spend a great deal of time, energy, thought, and money getting a good supply of their drug to have on hand.  There is no question of excessive and abusive use with an addiction.  The intent is to be completely intoxicated with the effect of the drug each time. 

Different Kinds of Drug Abuse

Marijuana and alcohol are commonly known as “gateway drugs”.  They are easy to find and are relatively cheap.  Once a person gets into using one or both of these drugs regularly, they are often more open to trying harder drugs such as cocaine, heroin, or methamphetamines. 

Prescription drugs are easily abused.  Medicine like narcotic painkillers and Ritalin are just a prescription away.  Some people go to severl doctor so keep their supply up.  Also, kids have been known to start selling drugs by offering up their amphetamine-based ADD medications.

Drug Abuse Becomes Drug Addiction Needing Drug Rehab

A woman who is abusing drugs is dangerously at risk to develop an addiction.  This is especially true if she is having intensely emotional problems in her life.  Addiction usually forms through emotional pathways for women, so this is a particularly high risk factor.  If you or a woman you know needs to start drug rehab, contact The Orchid right away.  They understand and they can help.