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5 Ways to Recognize a Predator in AA

5 Ways to Recognize a Predator in AA

When you first come into sobriety, it is usually advised that you do not get into a relationship. This has to do with the fact that you’re very newly sober and you should be focusing on yourself. There are many guys in the rooms of AA, CA or NA that are predators that you have to watch out for. Even if you’re trying to stay away from them, these types and situations can be hard to avoid if you have a boyfriend in early recovery or not.

5 Ways to Recognize a Predator in AA: The Guy That Offers to Help You in Early Sobriety

This is that guy that comes up to you after a meeting and introduces himself, all on the same day you picked up your 30 days. He will offer to give you rides to meetings and suggest exchanging numbers so you have ‘supports.’ Sure, there are some men that you meet through friends that genuinely have your best interest in mind, and those are the ones that point you in the direction of the women. You don’t need to get support from a man so early in recovery, stick with the women.

5 Ways to Recognize a Predator in AA: The Guy That Says He Doesn’t Want to Mess with Your Recovery but Still Dates You

This is the guy that starts dating you and automatically starts to say that it isn’t right and he can’t date you because you’re a newcomer, but he still continues to date you! He is always complaining about what a bad guy he feels like for dating someone so new in recovery; these are ways to look for re-assurance from you that it’s okay he dates you. He knows he has no business dating a girl so new to the rooms and just can’t help but be selfish, this can end one of two ways for you: you relapse after you and he break up or you go through the steps and get healthy and realize the relationship isn’t what you thought it was.

5 Ways to Recognize a Predator in AA: The Guy That Keeps Your Relationship a Secret

This guy will date you, but not in public or be seen anywhere together. Not saying that you should be sitting with a boyfriend in meetings either way, but he completely ignores you and avoids you. You guys may be constantly texting or on the phone, but why would you get sober to be in a hidden relationship? I think it’s obvious why it isn’t wise to date this guy.

5 Ways to Recognize a Predator in AA:  The Guy That Tries to Control Your Every Move

This guy will date you but what he really wants is to own you. He will act very nice in the beginning and laid-back, but once you’ve actually started dating that quickly changes. He gets jealous when you hang out with your girlfriends and even if you go places without telling him where you are. If your sponsor suggests you break up with him (which I’d be shocked if she didn’t) he tells you that you probably need to get a new sponsor. I don’t know about you, but I didn’t get sober to have a man controlling my life instead of drugs!

5 Ways to Recognize a Predator in AA:  The Guy That Tries to Tell You How to Work Your Program

And last but not least, the guy that tries to tell you how to work you program. This guy will be the one who basically is trying to be your sponsor; he tells you if you need a meeting and that you should already be thru your steps. None of it reflects on you, he is just telling you what to do because he knows he isn’t doing something right in his program. This type of guy gets old fast, I have an amazing sponsor and I don’t need another one. Especially not one of the male version, thank you!

Make sure to keep your eyes open and try to stay single for a little while when you first get sober (with the exception of people already married or in a relationship) and work on yourself. It is so crucial to have that time in the beginning to get to know yourself, I can’t stress it enough. I look back now and cherish that time and you will, too. If you or a loved one is struggling with substance abuse or addiction, please call toll free 1-888-672-4435.

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