10 Signs You Are Using Relationships to Fill a Spiritual Void
All you need is love. I am a firm believer this is the truth, the only problem is some people tend to believe that love has to be a romantic love. I believe wholeheartedly love is the essence of life, and it should be unconditional and without bias. That it is, in my opinion, the sunshine of the spirit. But nobody is perfect, especially myself, and our human nature is to desire the love and comfort of a companion. Our minds seek stimulation, joy, and purpose from relationships, and we sometimes use romantic relationships to meet our need for love, especially in recovery. These may be an important 10 signs you are using relationships to fill a spiritual void.
1. You need a relationship to be happy
If you are unhappy in life then odds are there is a spiritual void in some area or another that is not being addressed. When you find you’re only happy when you are in a romantic relationship or dating, then you are probably not filling that void, and whatever happiness you gain in each relationship cannot last.
2. Your mood depends on the other person
In a relationship of course we empathize with and support the one we’re with, but if you find your mood being controlled by the person you are with, and your attitude or outlook changes to match theirs, then you are too reliant on their joy to create your own.
3. You cannot be away from them for too long
If you find yourself stressed, anxious, or unhappy whenever you are not with the person you are involved with romantically, it means that you are not independently content. Needing to be around your girlfriend/boyfriend shows you need external things to feel complete, and you are not putting enough stock in spiritual fitness.
4. You need their validation
A boyfriend/girlfriend always wants to know they are valued and appreciated. We like to feel attractive, admired, and interesting to those we get intimately attached to. But if you require the approval and compliments of someone else to validate your worth, it is probably safe to say you should be looking for a spiritual value in life, because we should not need others to tell us how beautiful we are.
5. You seek out new relationships constantly
If you are not in a committed relationship and you’re always bouncing from one romantic interest to another, it is probably a sign that you want to be constantly stimulated, either physically or emotionally, so that you can experience variety in life. By doing this you are trying to fill the spiritual void by seeking new mates instead of seeking spiritual growth. The need for variety being filled with spontaneous relationships can be very unhealthy.
6. You tolerate being used or abused
Love hurts, but we need to know the difference between getting hurt and letting it hurt us over and over. When we are in need of a spiritual solution and are trying to use a relationship as a substitute, we often allow for all types of bad treatment. All types physical, emotional, or verbal abuse can happen and we accept it because we are spiritually sick, and put up with more than our share of toxic relationships.
7. You go out of your way to keep the relationship
When you find yourself walking on egg shells, ignoring your values, or bending over backwards to keep someone in your life romantically, it is pretty clear that you are far too dependent on their role in your life. If you put in the effort to grow spiritually that you put into keeping someone else happy, you would will probably be placed in a relationship that requires no hassle. There is a difference between compromise and codependent.
8. You try to control the other person
If you are at a point in your relationship where you are trying to control everything that goes on, you are exhibiting signs that you are losing you grip on spirituality. When we try to take control of the actions of our boyfriend/girlfriend, and events involved in the relationship, we are not leaving it up to our higher power or spiritual principles to provide for us, and we are trying to fit our romantic life to our selfish needs. We must let love in organically.
9. There is no trust in the relationship
Trust is essential. In my opinion there really is no love without trust. If you cannot find the trust in your relationship, there is a serious problem with that relationship and/or your spiritual fitness. When anxiety and fear overshadow love and trust, the spiritual void is exposed and the love cannot be nurtured.
10. You fall apart when the relationship ends
Relationships end. It is a sad and lonely feeling when an intimate relationship dissolves, whatever the reason may be. It is natural to be vulnerable and hurt when a romantic relationship comes to an end, especially if you are not the one ending it. However, spiritual fitness and fulfillment can lift us through this process. If you find your life has fallen apart and/or your life is again unmanageable when they say it is over, you need to fall in love again- not with another person, but with your spiritual life. That wholeness of mind, body and spirit is where we find and nurture the true love, so that even when you’re alone… love is all you need.
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